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You Know What They Say When You Assume.

Now I am going to be honest with you, dear reader. I cheated a bit with the topic for this post. I have been trapped in a loop of anxiety the past couple days, and I haven't been able to clear my mind enough to think of a good topic myself. thought about writing about my anxiety. But I very much doubt anyone really wants to read in depth about the fact that my brain is telling me that because chapstick isn't helping my dried out lips much, then I must I have cancer. Stay away from Google if you have anxiety kids! So I am using a writing prompt I found online. Let's get started, shall we? Assumptions are something we all deal with, both on the receiving end, and doling them out. We all have those we hear most often. Those that after a while we've come to ignore when something is said in their effect. We are use to them, we laugh at them. Because honestly, even when they are completely false, we get where the person is coming from. So we live with these assumptions. Knowing that if a person takes the time to really get to know you, they see what we are really about. The assumptions about me I run into most often would be what people think my hair and clothing say. I have dyed my hair unnatural colors since I was thirteen years old. From about the same age I started dressing a bit more alternately. I originally started dressing the way I did because I had an impossible time fitting in, and a lot of trouble making friends. One day I just said to heck with it, if I can't fit in wearing what everyone else does I am going to wear what I like. Oddly enough once I did this I started fitting in better and making friends. As it turns out people don't like it when you try to be different from who you actually are, go figure. The hair dyeing started a little while later. I had watch an episode of MTV's Made, where a teenage girl felt invisible and unseen. She wanted to be a rock and roll singer. So they dyed her hair blue and had her sing a song in the school talent show. This spoke to my angsty, feeling invisible teenage heart, and the rest is history. During my youth you'd have referred to me as an 'emo kid'. Now in adulthood I have shed the emo kid aesthetic, but I still only wear dark colored shirts and skinny jeans. This look coupled with a serious case of RBF (Resting B**** Face) makes me seem rather intimidating. I have heard from many friends that at first they we a little afraid of me as I looked kind of mean. Of course when they got to know me they found quickly there was no need to feel intimidated. I am a shy and sensitive teddy bear. When adults hold on to their crazy hair, dark clothing, that one pricing they didn't take out when they entered the workforce, and have visible tattoos, they can run into some problems. People tend to think they are immature and stuck in the past. See most people see these things as a phase you grow out of. Yes, a lot of people do go through that “rebellious” phase of dressing in black and listening to depressing music that scares the Hell out their parents. Then they eventually 'grow' out of it. But it's really not a case of them growing out of it, it is just they realized it wasn't them. I went through phases myself. I had a preppy phase, a hippy phase, a goth phase, even went through a week of only listening to country music. But that wasn't me. Skinny jeans, dark t-shirts, eyeliner, unnatural hair color, and side swept bangs however, was me. It's not that I am immature and living in the past, it is just this is how I feel the most like myself. It is also assumed that I love Emo/Alternative/Punk Music. Well you got me there. Anytime you hop in my car you'll be transported back to about '04-'08 when guyliner ruled the airways. I have been spotted picking up my child from preschool jamming to My Chemical Romance, or Say Anything on more than one occasion. The next assumption I run into quite often, is that I am very nice. Too nice in fact, as I have been told. Which is true, I am nice. I am well-mannered, always saying please and thank you, hold the door for everyone. That is how I was raised, always be polite. I have raised my son to be the same. But I guess this is a rarity in today's society as I hear comments on it all the time. Which kind of makes me sad, that such a basic human decency is surprising to people. When it comes to people who know me well, they all seem to think I am just the sweetest little thing ever. Because of this when I am mean, it is very concerning to those around me. Even when it is a very moderate amount of meanness, and over something that would anger pretty much everyone. For instance a while back we were visiting my in laws. We had just returned from the park where we held a joint birthday party for my son and my niece. My sister in laws friends came with us back to her parents house as my father-in-law was barbecuing. There was this one girl who only came to the barbecue as she was unable to make the party at the park due to work. Soon after her arrival my husband and his brother go upstairs to play some video games. Now while they were upstairs, this girl ask about when my husband was coming back downstairs to rejoin the party at least twenty times. Now I am not the jealous type. I know my husband, and trust him explicitly. But after an hour of hearing “Is John coming back soon? I want John to come back down” every five minutes, I was annoyed. Not because I was fearful of this girl stealing my husband, but constantly asking my mother-in-law to go retrieve him for her as I sat next to her was starting to feel rather disrespectful. Finally, I was at my limit and said, “Look, he is spending time with his brothers, he'll be down later.” Then explained if it was really that important then she could go up and get him herself. She didn't go and get him, but this seemed to stop the constant asking. A little while later this girl decided to sulk a bit inside. I guess she wasn't very well liked by my sister in laws other friends and felt they were being mean to her. They weren't but I guess this girl was a ball of drama as I learned from my sister in laws friends once she left. They had some complaints about her doing this and one of them made a comment about how I didn't seem to be too enthusiastic about her either. I replied with “I just don't understand her obsession about when my husband is coming downstairs. He's married, it doesn't matter where he is.” This made the group erupt in laughter. My sister-in-law and her now fiance were very excited by my statement. “Damn! She must have really pissed you off! I have never seen you act like this! You are usually just like the sweetest thing ever!” I was confused by this, I didn't think what I had just said was really all that scandalous. I wasn't yelling, I had said it with the same tone in which I always speak. So I said “Well, I just thought it was a little disrespectful.” My mother-in-law jumped in then and told me it was okay, just to calm down. I said I was calm, I wasn't made or anything. But she kept trying to deescalated me. But there was really no need to. I wasn't even mad, just slightly annoyed. But because they were all used to my sweet as pie factory setting, me being a bit annoyed to them seemed like I was furious and ready to inside, find her and fight this poor girl. This wasn't the case at all. This can be very frustrating. I am very nice, but sometimes I do get annoyed. Now I hate confrontation, so I am not one to yell. When I am upset about something I always opt for the route of calm explanation. But because I am so sweet all the time people think I am flying off the handle with the most moderate display of me being upset about something. Yes, being annoyed, angry, or mean is out of character for me. And if I do get upset, I tend to feel selfish for feeling this way. But I am human. Luckily my husband understands me really well and I complain about things that annoy me to him, and he doesn't get concerned about the fact that I am not being my normal sugary sweet self in those moments. The final thing I have dealt with is that I am too young. Being the baby sister I have dealt with this a lot from my brothers as well, but I deal with it in even more situations now that I am a mother. After having my son we moved to Southern California. We were living in Utah when we had him and there, we were almost the older parents. Most people we knew who had kids had their first between 18-20, I was 22 when our son was born. But this is very young to have a child where we are living now. I am the youngest mom pretty much anywhere we go. My age and my aforementioned hair color and clothing has earned me some pretty fun looks. Sadly it has earned me a few cold comments as well. People think having a child so young was an accident due to irresponsibility. No, he was a definitely a surprise, but we had been using our particular birth control method at the time for over a year when I got pregnant. I mean, it is no longer our birth control method, for obvious reasons. But the pregnancy wasn’t caused by being irresponsible, it’s just no method is 100%. Some people called our marriage a shotgun wedding. First off, I think to actually be a shotgun wedding I would've had to be pregnant at the time of the ceremony, but instead we had our 18 month old walking with his honorary aunt and uncle down the aisle. Our son was born three years into our relationship. John and I had already agreed, we were going to get married. It’s just it was put on hold, so we could focus our finances on diapers and other baby stuff instead of a ring. My age has also brought up questions as to my parenting ability. But age does not dictate your ability to parent. It doesn’t matter if you are 20 or 40, you will have hardly any idea what you are doing, no matter what. Sure you will know the basics; change the diapers, make sure the bath water isn’t to hot, that sort of thing. The doctor will tell you some more of it, burp them like this, feed them like this, and lay them down to sleep on their backs (or whatever the latest medical journal says will help prevent SIDS, they seem to change their minds a lot). Then it is completely on the job training. You might say things like “Oh, when I have kids I am going to…” No, no you won’t, stop. You will have no idea what you would do until you are actually living it. That's how parenting works. You do the best you can, roll with the punches, protect them from everything possible and hope you teach your child to be a good human being along the way. Age will never prepare you for what is to come on the road of parenthood. We all deal with assumptions, and we all have assumptions. It is part of what makes us human. Yes it would be a more harmonious and beautiful world if no one ever assumed anything about the people around them, and actually got to know who they truly were before passing judgment. But that is unrealistic. The best we can do is try our best not to assume how someone thinks, feels, or simply is. Then we have to try to not let the assumptions made about us bother us too much. I know for me at least this mind set has help me to accept things assumed about me much more. Okay, The assumptions about me in regard to my age are a bit of a sore spot, but I am far from perfect. I know I need to also practice what I preach, and I am working on that dear reader. But I guess with me looking at 27 coming for me in just a couple weeks, I am a bit bitter. I mean I am having to use an eye cream to try to rewind time on my appearing crows feet, but since I'm almost always the youngest in the room, I am invalidated.

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